Victory Over Victimhood
How can there be victory over the victim mentality?
Take Responsibility
Those who see themselves primarily as a victim in this life often will fail to take responsibility for improving their situation. After all, they are the powerless victim. The world is against them. It is everyone else’s fault.
No matter what another person does to you, you are responsible for your response. “But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load” (Gal. 6:4-5). The other person will be responsible before God for their sins, and you will answer to God for yours. “So then each of us shall give account of himself to God” (Romans 14:12). “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad” (2 Corinthians 5:10).
Count Your Blessings
Being a perpetual victim sucks the joy right out of life. Instead of having a pity party, victims need to be grateful for what they do have in life by counting their blessings. “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Not all of life is bad, so look for the good. You have your health and not a fatal disease. You have safety to worship without facing persecution. You can still be thankful no matter your earthly circumstances (Col 2:6-7). “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
Look to Jesus
Just how did Jesus deal with the victim mentality? Jesus came across a sick man who appeared to have a victim mentality. “When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, ‘Do you want to be made well?“’ (John 5:6). The man was clearly a victim and he no doubt would want to be cured. “The sick man answered Him, ‘Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me’” (John 5:7). Notice the man did not answer the question Jesus had asked, but Jesus heals the man anyway. And later runs into him at the Temple and warns, “See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you” (John 5:14). Jesus healed the sinner who was not to become a victim to sin again.
Jesus could have but did not develop a victim mentality. He was sinless. Jesus was clearly a victim of others. “For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps: ‘Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth” who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously’” (1 Peter 2:21-23).
So instead of seeing yourself as a victim, see yourself as a fellow sufferer with Jesus. Paul wrote, “I now rejoice in my sufferings for you, and fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ, for the sake of His body, which is the church” (Col. 1:24).
Forgive
As the ultimate victim of humanity, Jesus while being crucified said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34). Jesus was not ignoring sin. After all He was dying for their sins. We are not to just forgive while overlooking sins against us or others or God. Jesus commanded, “take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” (Luke 17:3). He requires His disciples to love their enemies (Matt 5:44). At the same time, they are to hate sin and rebuke the sinner by calling them to repentance. Catherine Ponder wrote, “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
Help Others
When throwing yourself a little pity party, are you really helping yourself? For certain, you are not helping others. Consider Joseph who was victimized by his brothers and sold into slavery. He was falsely accused by the wife of Potiphar. He was cast into prison. Later he was forgotten by a fellow prisoner whom he helped. When he had the position in the Egyptian government which would have given him the power to hurt his brothers for hurting him, he chose to forgive and help them. “But Joseph said to them, ‘Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.”’ And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them” (Genesis 50:19-21).
Paul was victimized by the very people he was trying to help with the Good News. He turned victimhood into victory by using his prison time to promote the Gospel. “But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel” (Philippians 1:12). Paul learned that the discomforted can take the comfort, they received from God and comfort others. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).
Seek God’s Grace and Strength
Instead of focusing on the pain and problems of life which made you a victim, focus on the pain and problems your sins have brought you in life. See yourself as a victim of your own sins and you will seek God’s Grace. Paul recognized the depth of his sin and the need of God’s mercy. “For I am the least of the apostles, who am not worthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God” (1 Cor. 15:9). “This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life” (1 Tim. 1:15,16). “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Rom. 8:18). “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phil. 4:13).
In Christ, by the grace of God, the Christian should see himself as the victor not a victim. “Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:37-39).
Accept Reality
My reality and yours is we are sinners living in a sinful world. Life is not fair. Bad things will happen to innocent people. You will be used and abused. You will be tested and tried. You will be lied about. You will work hard and still lose your job. You will love and be hated in return. You cannot change what happened to you as a child. Look what happened to the innocent Son of God. Job said, “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10).
Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” You will be a victim. But you can choose whether or not you are going to have a victim mentality. You are the one who can determine how you see yourself: a victim or a victor.
The Gospel message and a victim mentality are in opposition to each other. The victim mentality blinds us to the responsibility for our sins and need for a Savior. The Gospel views us as sinners, calls for repentance, and points out the need for a Savior.
– Daniel R. Vess