From Victim to Victory
In episodes of the Three Stooges when “Curly” fell victim to his own folly, he was often heard to complain, “I’m a victim of circumstance.” Most of us at one time or another have had a victim mentality. I know I have. Since all of us have been a victim from time to time, it makes sense. However, there seems to be a trend to promote the victim mentality as part of defending our rights. This has resulted in a twisted view of right and wrong.
A parent’s child gets into a fight at school. The parents will argue it wasn’t their child’s fault. But it’s because the teacher wasn’t watching the room, and the other kid had it coming. If you do not get the promotion, it is because your boss was out to get you. When the leadership of the church rebukes a sinning saint, they are mean and unfriendly. Even criminals who victimize others often engage in victim thinking, believing themselves to be moral and engaging in crime only as a reaction to an immoral world. Others claim to be victims of authorities are unfairly singling them out for persecution.
The victim mentality presents itself in a pattern of thought and behavior. First, someone was mistreated by another or something bad happened. It was not the victim’s fault. An injustice has been committed. The victim naturally longs for sympathy. They become focused on themselves and complain to others. As a victim, there comes a sense of powerlessness. This is blamed on others. However, it does not stop there. Over time, this attitude can result in an acquired personality trait. This is when their perceived identity is that of a victim. This is how they portray themselves to others. Their life is a marked by being victimized by the negative actions of others. At this point, the victim mentality is self-destructive. They determine who they are and what they have a right to do based upon this perception. Soon the victim becomes the victimizer. What are the causes and results of this mind-set?
Symptoms of Victim Mentality
■ Seeing Oneself as a Victim
From the very beginning of sin, Satan made Eve see herself as a victim. He told her that with God, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen. 3: 4-5). King Saul saw himself as a victim of the people when He failed to destroy all the animals of the Amaletikes (1 Sam. 15). Countless other illustrations from the Bible can be found.
In contrast Paul never allowed himself to see himself as a victim. Look how he outlines the many times he was victimized while preaching the Gospel. “From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren” (2 Cor. 11:24-26).
■ Self-centered
Like the total melt down of the toddler who received a little boo-boo as a result of a mean sibling, those who have the victim mentality become overly focused on their own pain and problems. They will exaggerate their own problems and pain to the point they will trivialize the suffering of others. As a result, they become self-centered and show a lack of empathy.
Why would people want to be viewed or view themselves as victims? It puts the attention on them. They are then allowed to focus on their pain and suffering without the pain of taking notice of the world’s sorrows.
Jonah was like this when God took away his shade plant and sent a hot east wind. Jonah was such a victim; he wanted to just die. “Then God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?” And he said, “It is right for me to be angry, even to death!” But the Lord said, “You have had pity on the plant for which you have not labored, nor made it grow, which came up in a night and perished in a night. And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which are more than one hundred and twenty thousand persons who cannot discern between their right hand and their left—and much livestock?” (Jonah 4:9-11).
■ Seeking Sympathy
Jonah was seeking pity on himself. He had a strong need for recognition of his plight. All the while he was overlooking the suffering of innocent animals and children. Victims do need an appropriate and balanced affirmation or validation from others. However, many times it turns into a pity party.
■ Securing Allies
The victim mentality goes beyond having the attention of others but retaining others as allies against those who have caused the pain or problem. It creates warring sides as in the two brothers who sought out Jesus to resolve a problem over the family inheritance. “Then one from the crowd said to Him, ‘Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.’ But He said to him, ‘Man, who made Me a judge or an arbitrator over you?’” (Luke 12:13,14). Jesus’ friend Martha sought His intervention with her sister Mary who was not helping her with showing hospitality. “Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said, ‘Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore, tell her to help me’” (Luke 10:40). Again, Jesus would not take a side but focused Martha’s attention on Mary’s good choice in putting Bible Study over serving tables.
■ Sense of Helplessness
The Philistines had come out to attack Israel. Saul was there with his men, and he is waiting for Samuel to get there. Samuel is going to offer the sacrifices and enquire of the Lord. But Saul gets impatient. The king goes ahead and offers the sacrifice and then Samuel shows up. “What have you done?” asked Samuel. Saul replied, “When I saw that the men were scattering, and that you did not come at the set time, and that the Philistines were assembling at Mikmash, I thought, ‘Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I have not sought the LORD’s favor.’ So I felt compelled to offer the burnt offering” (1 Samuel 13:11-12).
Instead of taking personal responsibility it is easier for some to evade it by claiming they were in a hopeless and helpless situation. The world is against them and how can they fight the world. They seldom improve their situation, because it is futile since they are powerless.
■ Significant Amount of Complaining
Those suffering with a victim mentality are very apt at complaining. They focus on the negative. Often, they are predicting gloom and doom. Their misfortunes are often exaggerated. Nothing is ever good enough. They will overuse terms like “always” and “never.”
The Israelites are a premium example of this attitude as they marched through the wilderness. “And the people complained against Moses, saying, ‘What shall we drink?’” (Exodus 15:24). “And the people thirsted there for water, and the people complained against Moses, and said, ‘Why is it you have brought us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?’” (Exodus 17:3). “And all the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron, and the whole congregation said to them, ‘If only we had died’” (Numbers 14:2).
■ Shifting Blame
A skill often utilized by those with a victim mind-set is the blame game. This is where one blames their mistakes or problems on others. It was first invented by Adam and Eve. “Well, Lord, it’s this woman. She’s the one to blame.” Then the woman said about the serpent, “He’s the one to blame.” Adam blames his wife, Eve blames the serpent, but notice what Adam says in verse Genesis 3:12, “The woman you gave to be with me.” Who is Adam really blaming here? Adam is blaming God. This is why no one can ever win at playing the Blame Game.
Ask yourself, do you like being a victim? Do you often play the blame game and evade responsibility? Do you complain too much, have a sense of hopelessness, seek sympathy and allies, focus on your pain and problems to the neglect of empathy for others and see yourself as a victim?
– Daniel R. Vess