Peer Pressure Relief Valves

Dealing with negative peer pressure is an unavoidable part of life. The pressure to conform to the world can build slowly, and if we do not address it, it can eventually burst into compromise. In the mechanical world, manufacturers solve that problem with pressure relief valves. Spiritually speaking, what “relief valves” can help us stand firm when the world presses us to fit its mold?

Look to God for Approval

Adam was invited by Eve to become like her, and sadly, he chose her approval over God’s. Instead of letting peers pressure us into seeking their approval, we must look to God for His approval. Negative peer pressure is a form of social blackmail. The world says, “Conform, or we will reject you.” That should not surprise followers of Christ. 1 John 3:13 says, “Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you.” 1 Peter 4:4 adds, “With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you.” When the apostles were pressured not to preach Jesus Christ and His resurrection, Acts 5:29 records, “But Peter and the apostles answered, ‘We must obey God rather than men.’”

Do Not Follow the Crowd

When people call us “strange” or treat us like oddballs, we may start to doubt our moral standards. The pressure to conform often sounds like this: “Everybody is doing it.” But if most people in a community were thieves and murderers, would that justify becoming a murdering thief? Of course not. As the old saying goes, “Two million Frenchmen can’t be wrong”—but they can. A majority of the Jews rejected God’s prophets and His Son. Jesus warned in Matthew 7:13-14, “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” Moses said in Exodus 23:2, “You shall not fall in with the many to do evil.”

Be Different

In one study on social influence, groups of ten teenagers were brought into a room and shown three lines. Each group was asked to identify the longest line. Unknown to one teen, the other nine participants had been told to choose the second longest line. About 75 percent of the time, the tenth teen went along with the group and agreed that the second-longest line was the longest. It is hard to be different. Paul commands in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” The world tries to press us into its mold, but Christians must be transformed in thought. The Greek term here is derived the English word: metamorphosis. We must undergo a metamorphosis of the mind. We are to think like Christ, not like the world.

No one grows mentally or spiritually unless they are willing to think and choose for themselves. RCA was ridiculed and nearly broken financially because its leaders believed in the future of color television. Robert Fulton’s steamboat, the Clermont, was called “Fulton’s Folly” because his peers did not see the value of his invention. Do not let your peer group make you morally or mentally stagnant.

Choose Friends Wisely

Paul warned in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” Why? Because if you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you what you are becoming. The psalmist gives this warning in Psalm 1:1: “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers.”

Bad friends can hurt us through negative peer pressure. The cupbearer forgot Joseph (Genesis 40:23). Delilah destroyed Samson’s strength (Judges 16). Cicero wrote, “In the choice of a dog or a horse we exercise the greatest care… we inquire into its pedigree, its training, and character, and yet we too often leave the selection of our friends—which is of infinitely greater importance, by whom our whole life will be more or less influenced for good or evil—almost to mere chance!”

Good friends are a blessing. They “love at all times” (Proverbs 17:17), love us “as [their] own soul” (1 Samuel 20:17), refresh us (2 Timothy 1:16), sharpen us as “iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17), and even lay down their lives for us (John 15:13).

There may be times when we find ourselves without friends because we refuse to conform. Job and Paul both stood alone at times. Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:16, “At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them!” When you feel alone, remember this simple truth: God is my friend.

Be Selective About What You See and Hear

Although immoral content may be popular among your peers, do not feed your heart with it. Job said in Job 31:1, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?” Your speech should not be shaped by the crowd either. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Run Away When You Need To

Sometimes victory comes by retreating. Running away from negative peer pressure is not cowardice; it is courage rooted in conviction. The Bible tells us to flee youthful passions, sexual immorality, and idolatry (2 Timothy 2:22; 1 Corinthians 6:18; 1 Corinthians 10:14). Flee like Lot fled from Sodom. Run like Joseph ran from Potiphar’s wife.

Just Say No

When you feel the world’s pressure to conform, learn to say “No”—and mean it. Nehemiah, governor of Judea, was pressured several times to meet with opponents in the plain of Ono. Nehemiah said “Oh, no!” to Ono. He explained in Nehemiah 6:3, “I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?”

Pray for Strength

God does not expect us to fight negative peer pressure alone. He invites us to come to Him in prayer. Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

Seek God’s Will and Wisdom

Part of our prayers should be a request for wisdom to handle pressure well (James 1:5). We need wisdom to reject what is wrong. Psalm 119:128 says, “Therefore I consider all your precepts to be right; I hate every false way.” We also need wisdom to make the right choice even when everyone else chooses differently. Joshua told Israel in Joshua 24:15, “And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Do Not Let Pressure Lead to Compromise

Keep in mind that as pressure builds, it can eventually cause a blowout. That blowout often takes the form of compromise, and the consequences can be severe. First, we can lose our influence for good (Matthew 5:13). Instead of being transformed into the mind of Christ, we can become conformed to the world’s way of thinking (Romans 12:2). Do you really want to be a mere copy of everyone else? Sadly, giving in to the pressure to be like our friends can cost us friendship with God. James 4:4 warns, “You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?” Finally, and worst of all, negative peer pressure can cost a person’s soul.

by Daniel R. Vess