Can a Widower Serve as an Elder?

One of the domestic qualifications for a man who desires to serve as an elder is that he must be “the husband of one wife” (1 Timothy 3:2). This requirement excludes several categories of men based on marital status.

First, a polygamist cannot serve as an elder. Second, a man involved in concubinage would also be disqualified. Third, a man who has divorced his wife for any reason other than sexual immorality is not qualified. Jesus taught, “Whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32; 19:4–9). Therefore, if a previous marriage ended in divorce, the man could only remarry—and remain qualified—if his wife had been put away for adultery.

Fourth, a man may not marry a woman who has been unscripturally divorced. Doing so would make him the husband of another man’s wife. Fifth, a man must be married at the time of his appointment. A bachelor does not meet the requirement of being a “one‑woman man.” He is, in fact, a “no‑woman man.” As such, he cannot demonstrate the ability to manage a household or to lead a wife in submission, both of which are essential aspects of an elder’s qualifications. One cannot be a husband without being married, just as one cannot speak of “single wives” or “married bachelors.”

Several situations may arise within an elder’s family that could affect his qualifications. One of the most controversial occurs when an elder’s wife dies. This raises an important question: Is a widower still qualified to serve as an elder?

Some argue that he remains qualified because he is not divorced, polygamous, or involved in immoral relationships. However, the phrase “husband of one wife” literally means “a one‑woman man.” A “one‑farm man” must actually have a farm, and a “worshiper of one God” is neither an atheist nor a polytheist. In the same way, a “one‑woman man” must have a wife.

When an elder’s wife dies, he becomes a widower—and therefore a bachelor. Since bachelors do not meet the qualification, he is no longer qualified to serve. In addition, the absence of a wife would significantly hinder his ability to fulfill certain responsibilities of the eldership. Scripture also places expectations on an elder’s wife, and without a wife, these qualifications cannot be met.

Some brethren argue that an elder may continue serving after his wife’s death because he met the qualification at the time of his appointment. Robert R. Taylor Jr. wrote that even if an elder never remarries, he may continue to serve effectively because he has already demonstrated experience within the family structure (The Elder and His Work, p. 85).

However, marriage ends at death (Romans 7:2–3). A widower is no longer a one‑woman man. As J. W. McGarvey once stated, if his wife were to die, he would resign the eldership the following Lord’s Day. This response reflects a recognition that an elder must continue to meet all qualifications while serving, not merely at the time of appointment. We would not excuse a lack of self‑control or good reputation by claiming an elder once possessed those qualities, and the same standard must apply here.

Another related question concerns whether a man may serve as an elder if he remarries after his wife dies. The answer is yes. Scripture clearly teaches that marriage ends at death, and remarriage under those circumstances is lawful (Romans 7:2–3). A man who remarries after his wife’s death is not married to two women; he again has one wife and may be qualified.

Finally, we must consider situations in which an elder’s wife becomes unfaithful. Scripture teaches that an elder’s wife must be reverent, temperate, and faithful in all things (1 Timothy 3:11). While her unfaithfulness does not technically make the elder the husband of more than one wife, it may severely hinder his work and, in prolonged situations, could require his resignation.

These matters become even more difficult when an elder does not recognize—or disagrees with—the need to step down. In such cases, several principles should guide the congregation. The situation should not become a source of gossip. Elders should speak openly, honestly, and respectfully with the brother involved, explaining clearly why resignation may be necessary. He should be given the opportunity to see the matter clearly and make the decision without feeling forced or humiliated.

If an elder refuses to resign and the remaining elders agree that he is no longer qualified, prayerful discussions involving trusted brethren may help. Private study and patient reasoning can often be effective. However, when a self‑willed man refuses correction and exerts controlling influence over the congregation, the situation becomes extremely serious. In such cases, faithful Christians may ultimately have no choice but to seek another place to worship.

— Daniel R. Vess