Ancient Ads Found in Egypt

Would you believe when they were interpreting the hieroglyphics found on the wall of an ancient Egyptian city, they found the following advertisement for the “Pyramid Brick Company.” It read:
“Are you planning on building a new city, public buildings, pyramids or just a small tomb next to your pool? Then, stop by and see Pyramid Brick Company’s fine selection of bricks guaranteed to meet your needs no matter what your project or budget. All our bricks are hand-made by Israelite slave labor and sun baked in our hot Egyptian sun. Choose from our top quality bricks made of Nile clay and straw. Or…choose from our fine collection of bricks made with stubble. If you are looking for a real bargain buy, you need to check out our stock of bricks made from just clay. We guaranty to have bricks in stock or we will give 40 lashes to the taskmasters. So stop by today and check out our Slave Labor Day prices at”

And would you believe that the more they searched and translated the more ancient ads they found. They even found one for an ancient Egyptian Magic Shop.

“Are you an aspiring magician? Are your friends unimpressed with the same old card and newspaper tricks? Then come by today and sign up for magic classes at the ANCIENT EGYPTIAN MAGIC SHOP. Biblically renown magicians Jannes and Jambres will teach YOU how to: turn rods into serpents or turn water into blood. They can even teach you to make frogs appear out of nowhere. To sign up TODAY just stop by our old location at Exodus 7 at the corner of 11th or at our new location on 2nd Timothy 3 8. WARNING: We cannot teach you to do the following tricks: produce gnats, make swarms, do livestock epidemics, bring boils, cause hail, cause locust plagues or create thick darkness. Classes will be canceled in the event of boils.”

Now if you are thinking the same thing I am thinking, these ancient ads sound a whole lot like stories found in the Bible. You know, the period of time when the Israelites were slaves and Moses and Aaron came to Pharaoh with a message from God: “Let My people go!” When Pharaoh refused, God sent the ten plagues upon Egypt. However, these are believed by some scholars to be exaggerations of events and not actual miracles. If in fact anything like them ever even happened in Egypt. But, hold the press, then they found an advertisement for “Levi Brothers Extermination.”

“Has your home been infested by gnats? Do you open you sock drawer and find millions of those annoying frogs? How about swarms of mosquitoes and swarms of flies? THEN DELAY NO LONGER…CALL…LEVI BROTHERS EXTERMINATION. This family owned and operated extermination business uses a unique and Divinely designed method of purging these pest. Only they are certified in this pest removal system which comes with a 100% guaranty. For an estimate call Levi Brothers Extermination at 1-800-Exod-729 One word of caution, Levi Brothers Extermination does not remove dead frogs.”

Of course, by now most of those who are reading this article have figured out these ads are made up. The idea for these came from Jim Kirby, a fellow camp counselor, who put fake ads like these together for camp one year. Imagine though for a moment if archeologists did find such evidence in Egypt. What would they do? Would they just explain it away? Or would they claim that these came from a much later date than the time of the Exodus?

“We interrupt the regularly scheduled “Stay in Place Weekday Touchbase” to bring you a special weather report from ancient Egypt. Egypt which has been hit hard by a serious hail storm unlike any that has ever been seen before. Witnesses say this is nothing short of an ACT OF GOD. Gigantic hail mingled with fire and accompanied by great flashes of lightening has been reported. Fortunately, this strange weather phenomenon has not inflicted any damage on the Land of Goshen. The rest of Egypt is encouraged to check their home owner’s insurance policies to see if they are covered for this type of storm damage. Again, Egypt has been pelted by a hailstorm of Biblical proportions. For more details on this tragic event check out Weather Radio EX 9 13 35.”

As I was saying, how would modern scholars and “experts” react? They would react the way they always have: “do not confuse me with the facts, my mind is already made up.”

– Daniel R. Vess

2020-04-28 - The Stay in Place - Weekday Touch Base #17
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