Ya’ Snooze, Ya’ Lose
To be painfully honest, I too have preached a sermon, maybe two, which have been genuine cures for any insomniac. People falling asleep in church has been a common problem since Eutychus fell from the third story window while Paul was preaching till midnight (Acts 20:7f). Paul did not appear to take this too personally. After all, he raised the young man from the dead. I, on the other hand, would have not been as forgiving. My mother-in-law was present one Sunday morning. I was doing my best job in the pulpit to prove to her that her daughter had not married a bum who only worked half-heartedly on Sundays. Suddenly, my sermon was interrupted by one of the men sitting three pews directly behind my wife and her mother. This man was large and had commenced to snoring so loud that he had awaken the rest of the congregation. I began to preach louder to compensate for the noise which only seemed to encourage the man to snore louder. The audience began to laugh. I soon found it hard to stay focused on my lesson and finally started laughing. Somehow we made it through the sermon as the man’s snoring would cycle through periods of loud snores and thunderous roaring.
Our amusement over the deep sleeper turned to concern when we all stood up to sing the invitation song and the man just kept on snoring off-key and to the wrong tune. Surely, I thought to myself, he will awaken as soon as the singing stopped. Yet, he just continued snoring away. As the closing prayer started I erroneously assumed that a few hardy “AMEN”s would bring the man around to consciousness. Instead, one of the members had to go shake him awake after most of the worshipers had left the auditorium.
Finally, awake the man arose as if nothing was amiss. Walked straight out into the foyer, gave me a firm hand shake, and told me that was a fine sermon. I guess it was. Especially when the preaching leaves a man well rested and refreshed.
As soon as the church sleeper left the parking lot in his car, everyone in the foyer burst into laughter. My preaching soon became the target of their, not so funny, remarks. I told them very plainly that preachers have feelings too. Apparently they did not believe me. Finally, when the jabs subsided, I gave the following apology: “Listen, I know I have preached a few sermons from time to time that were real snoozers. But in my defense this is the first time I have ever put somebody into a coma.”
Just what can be done to help worshipers stay awake during services? First, every individual needs to take responsibility for worshiping God. It might be funny to a point to blame the monotone preacher’s boring lesson. However, preachers do not put people to sleep. I have never snuck up behind one of the members in the pew and held a hanky filled with chloroform over their mouth and nose until they passed out. Never have I even dreamed of holding one of them in the pew and rocking them back and forth till they fell asleep. I would never slip a mickey into the communion juice. The fact is, adults who fall asleep in church are responsible for their own behavior and choices. It is hard to fall asleep when you are suffering from a powerful thirst and one’s stomach is growling from hunger. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled” (Matt. 5:6). We should recognize that a hungry soul will keep one awake and alert during worship services. “Therefore let us not sleep, as others do, but let us watch and be sober” (1 Thess. 5:6).
Attitude has a lot to do with one’s ability to accomplish any task. David once said, “I was glad when they said to me, ‘Let us go into the house of the Lord’” (Ps. 122:1) and “for a day in Your courts is better than a thousand. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God Than dwell in the tents of wickedness” (Ps. 84:10). If you come with the attitude and desire to worship God, staying awake will not be so much of a problem. Preaching is not just a man spouting off his opinions on a religious topic. True Biblical preaching is based on God’s Word. The Word brings salvation. The Gospel message is powerful in that it leads one to salvation (Rom. 1:16). Words of eternal life mandate man’s alert and undivided attention. Consider the Bereans’ reaction to the preaching of Paul “These were more fair-minded than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness, and searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so” (Acts 17:11). Even if you have been a faithful Christian for the past eighty years and have heard the sermon topic or passage preached on a dozen times or so, you still need to pay attention. Why? To see if the things preached are scriptural. You could save the souls of your fellow worshipers from false teaching by paying attention, not to mention your own soul.
Some one has suggested saying the following prayer when coming into worship services.
Now a sit me down to sleep
The sermon is long and the subject is deep
If he should stop Before I awake
Please! Somebody! Give me a little shake.
However, might I suggest you simply pray to God to help keep you awake. Jesus would agree. When He took Peter, James, and John with Him into the Garden of Gethsemane while He prayed on the night he was betrayed, He found them asleep three times. He told them, “watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matt. 26:41).
Another helpful hint on how to stay awake during a boring sermon came to me while serving on a jury several years ago. It was a civil case. A man was suing a hospital and a doctor for malpractice. His wife died suddenly during a very brief stay in the hospital as a result of a sudden illness. The courtroom was packed. There were lawyers everywhere. The man had his lawyers. The hospital, doctor, and medical lab each had a couple of lawyers. The combined legal teams must have outnumbered everyone else in the courtroom. It was mid-summer. The AC was not keeping up with the heat being generated in the courtroom. The lawyers were constantly objecting. They were ceaselessly approaching the bench to discuss legal issues. Most of the jury had just come from lunch and were sitting there with full stomachs. I was starting to feel drowsy. The judge suddenly interrupt the court proceedings, when he noticed one of the jurors had dozed off to sleep. “Members of the jury,” he began his lecture. “We need you to stay away. I know its getting late in the afternoon and some of you had to get up early to make it to the courthouse today. I realize its warm and most of this stuff going on in the courtroom is not as exciting as what is portrayed on TV. There is a lot of boring legal discussions at the bench and much of the testimony will be filled incomprehensible medical jargon. However, this man has been suffering the loss of his wife along with their five children. These medical professionals are here to defend their profession. Each one deserves your close attention. If you fall asleep again you will jeopardize this court case and I will be forced start all over with a new jury. The tax payers and I will not by very happy about that. So, remember, I am well within my right to hold you in contempt of court for falling asleep. And let me further encourage you with this, you will not find it all that easy to sleep in a jail cell over night.” The last part he said with a big smile which said “you might think I am joking, but just try me.” I don’t think any of the jurors even blinked for the rest of the boring trial.
The point should be clear. Christ is going to judge all mankind on the last day by His Word. “He who rejects Me, and does not receive My words, has that which judges him—the word that I have spoken will judge him in the last day” (John 12:48). No one wants to hear Him say on that day, “you wicked and lazy servant…cast the unprofitable servant into the outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth” (Matt. 25:26,30). The sermon may be long and boring, but eternity in hell is a terrible price to pay for a little nap.
To be fair, the man in the coma that Sunday had a good reason to be so tired. He had just come in from working the night shift and was on strong pain medication for his back. There are times when extenuating circumstances hinder even the best intentions. However, if the rest of you snoozers intend to go to Heaven and worship God forever, you have best learn to stay alert during worship for a few short years down here on earth. Remember, if ya’ snooze, ya’ lose!